I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
