What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
