9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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