She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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