He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
