New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
