so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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