glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
