their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
