piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize