if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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