we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
