Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
