someone get that fucking seahorse.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
