In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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