Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
