Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
