we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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