8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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