Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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