I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
