why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
