Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
