Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Betty ford says i'm here all night
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
