I hate your face
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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