what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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