So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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