i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
