it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
