Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we're making bets on your personal life
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
