oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
