I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
