there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
