I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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