Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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