3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
