I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Randomize
