I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
