you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
