I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
