It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
