i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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