the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
