can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
