im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
