I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
