24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
