is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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