Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
