Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
