I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
