So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
