don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
