well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
