i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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