the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
