so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
