Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
This girl is more easily done than said...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
