i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
