Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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