We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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