haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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