Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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