the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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