What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I will pee on everything he values.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
