I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
