How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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