omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
