You made me cry and you don't even care
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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