I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
