What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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