Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
this just has baby written all over it
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
