Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
