I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
