On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
