i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
