Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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