Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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